THESE AMATEUR VIDEOS ARE A DIARY OF ALZHEIMER DISEASE AN ALZHEIMER PATIENT'S DIARY IT'S EXTREMELY INTERESTING HOW IT DEVELOPS THE ALZHEIMER DISEASE AT THE RECENT STAGE OF IT I AM IN THE FOLLOWING SYNDROME APPEARS I CAN HARDLY TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SPEAKING AND WRITING AND THINKING I CANNOT REALLY DIFFER IF I SPEAK OR WRITE WHEN I THINK I THINK THAT I SPEAK SO NEXT TIME I DON'T WANT TO REPEAT MYSELF BUT I NEVER SPOKE IT OUT YET IT WAS ONLY A THOUGHT THE THREE WAYS OF EXPRESSIONS I'M MIXING UP THE TWO WAYS OF EXPRESSION AND THE THOUGHT THE THOUGHT IS NOT EXPRESSION WRITING, SPEAKING ARE THE EXPRESSIONS OF THE THOUGHT BUT I CANNOT DIFFER MY THOUGHTS ANY MORE FROM THE EXPRESSION OF IT THAT'S THE STAGE OF MY ALZHEIMER DISEASE AT THIS POINT DOCTOR DOCTOR EY HUA & IT'S A VERY FUNNY FUNNY SICKNESS WOULDN'T CHANGE IT FOR ANYTHING IF I HAD TO CHOOSE A SICKNESS THIS IS IT THIS IS VERY INTERESTING, VERY ENTERTAINING AND MAYBE EVEN USEFUL MAYBE I CAN FORGET THINGS THAT'S WHAT I HOPE IN MAYBE IT HELPS ME TO FORGET THINGS WHAT I ARTIFICIALLY CANNOT DO BECAUSE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO FORGET ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE THINKING OF IT THIS THING I WANT TO FORGET AND THEN CERTAINLY YOU CANNOT YOU FOCUS ON IT SO MUCH I WANT TO FORGET THIS - YOU WILL NEVER FORGET IT IF YOU'RE CONSCIOUS OF WANTING TO FORGET IT YOU CANNOT SO DON'T BE CONSCIOUS OF IT TRY TO BE VERY SLY WITH IGNORANCE WHEN YOU STRIVE FOR OBLIVION & AN OTHER TRICK IS OF COURSE TO SPEAK IT OUT OR WRITE IT DOWN WHAT YOU WANT TO FORGET JUST DON'T THINK OF IT: I WANT TO FORGET IT I DON'T WANT TO WRITE IT DOWN, I DON'T WANT TO SPEAK IT OUT JUST WANT TO FORGET IT DON'T DO THAT, NO YOU WILL NEVER FORGET IT IF YOU EXPRESS IT THEN YOU HAVE A CHANCE WHAT'S SPOKEN OUT OR WRITTEN DOWN IT'S LIKE ERASED - IT'S NOT ANY MORE IN THE MEMORY SO ART IS A BLESSING - BUT IT'S A BLESSING FOR THE DAMNED IT LOOKS LIKE A MUCH MORE FUNCTIONAL AND USEFUL EXISTENCE IF YOU'RE CREATIVE BUT IF YOU DON'T PUT IT IN THE SERVICE OF THE PEOPLE THEN IT'S NOT SATISFYING ONLY THOSE ARTISTS ARE SATISFIED THAT ARE CONTRIBUTING TO THE WELFARE OF THE PEOPLE DOOMED ARE THOSE ARTISTS THAT CANNOT COMMUNICATE WITH THE PUBLIC I AM THAT DOOMED ARTIST I NEVER COULD DO ANYTHING FOR ANYONE I NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO HELP ANYONE & I DON'T KNOW IF I'M RECORDING OR NOT FORGET EVERYTHING I FORGET THAT I'M HERE I FORGET THAT I'M ON THE CAMERA I FORGET TO BREATHE BUT CANNOT STOP THINKING AND MY THOUGHTS ARE SO MISERABLE AS MY REALITY CAN BE I'M THINKING ABOUT MY REALITY ALL THE TIME I CANNOT LEARN - I CANNOT FANTASIZE I'M THINKING ABOUT MY REALITY ALL THE TIME THAT'S IN MY HEAD AND ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE & MY FICTION IS IN MY DRAWER I KEEP MY FICTION IN A DRAWER HOW CAN YOU PUT A WHOLE CITY IN A DRAWER - THAT'S HOW NEW JERUSALEM IS IN MY DRAWER MAYBE IT'S AN ALTERNATIVE ONLY OR JUST AN IMAGINATION BUT I KNOW HOW TO PUT A WHOLE CITY IN A DRAWER AND THAT IS MAGIC - THE MAGIC OF EXPRESSION & THE FIRE IS BURNING ON THE TELEVISION THERE IS A CHANNEL OF 24 HOURS FIREPLACE THE ELECTRIC FIRE ON TELEVISION IS BURNING BESIDE ME WHILST I'M ON THE FLOOR AND I'M TRYING TO SPEAK THAT I DON'T HAVE TO THINK I HAVE TO SPEAK TO STOP ME THINKING THE PERFECT UNCERTAINTY ABOUT WHO YOU ARE NOT A GUESS - NOT A SINGLE GUESS I THINK EVERY DAY, EVERY MINUTE PRACTICALLY SOMETHING ELSE I PRESUME THIS - I PRESUME THAT AND FINALLY I'M JUST NOTHING THE NOBODY THE NOBODY I IMPERSONIFY THE NOBODY HOW DOES IT FEEL YOU MAY ASK HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE COMPLETELY UNKNOWN, UNSEEN I NEVER HAD A JOB - NEVER IN MY LIFE I HAD A JOB OR HAVE EVER PUBLISHED OR RELEASED ANYTHING OF MY ART WORKS - ART WORKS OOOH & WHEN YOU SPEAK YOU FOCUS ON BEING HEARD AND UNDERSTOOD YOU FOCUS ON ARTICULATION EVEN IF IT'S WRONG YOUR ARTICULATION BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT ENGLISH EVEN THEN YOU FOCUS ON IT THAT KEEPS THE THOUGHT AWAY YOU SAY WHAT YOU HAD ON YOUR MIND HONEST MEN DON'T REALLY THINK WHEN THEY SPEAK THEY KNOW WHAT THEY THINK I ALWAYS HAVE TO THINK OF WHAT I ACTUALLY WANNA SAY BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM AND I ABSOLUTELY DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANNA SAY THESE TWO THINGS I DON'T KNOW I'M A SOCIALIST BY IDEOLOGY BUT A PERFECT ASOCIALIST IN MY PRIVATE LIFE I'M NOT WHAT I'M SAYING I AM I'M LYING SOMETHING BUT I USUALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHOULD WHAT SHOULD I LIE NOW WHO SAYS WHAT - WHO THINKS WHAT THE CONCEPT OF "I" GOT ERASED DURING THE PROCESS TO LOSE YOUR I THE SINGULAR FIRST PERSON IS NOT AN ENLIGHTENED STATE IT'S RATHER THE TOTAL DARKNESS IT'S A TOTAL ENDARKENMENT & THIS IS A FLOATING EXERCISE WE CALL THIS FLOATING YOU JUST FOLD THE ARMS BEHIND THE HEAD PRESSING IT TO THE HEAD AND STAND AS ERECT AS POSSIBLE AND BEND YOUR HEAD BACK LIKE LYING ON YOUR ARMS AND IT IS LIKE LYING ON THE AIR A VERTICAL LYING POSITION ALIEN YOGA IS BASED ON VERTICALITY EXPERIENCES & MY PAST IS DARK MY FUTURE IS DARK AND MY PRESENT - MY PRESENT IS THE DARKEST IT'S ALWAYS BEEN IN THE BARDO IN THE BARDO I WAS BORN IN THE BARDO I'M GROWING UP IN THE BARDO I'VE NEVER BEEN ANYWHERE ELSE I'VE NEVER BEEN TO IBIZA I'VE NEVER BEEN TO MALIBU I'VE NEVER BEEN TO KATMANDU I'VE NEVER BEEN ANYWHERE OUTSIDE MY BODY MY BODY IN THE BARDO MY BODY IN THE BARDO WATCHING THE WORLD ON TELEVISION WATCHING THE TELEVISION IN THE BARDO & SPIONS WAS A POLITICAL POLITICALLY MOTIVATED ROCK BAND AS POLITICALLY MOTIVATED AS CRASS REALLY WE WERE LIKE CRASS MIXTURE OF CRASS AND SKREWDRIVER THAT'S WHAT WE WERE EXACTLY WE WERE THE GREAT MIDDLE - THE GREAT FUSION OF LEFT AND RIGHT OVERNATIONAL SOCIALISM HAS ALWAYS BEEN IT'S NOT AGAINST EITHER IT IS A FUSION OF BOTH - THE BEST PARTS OF BOTH WE DON'T ROCK AGAINST FASCISM, WE DON'T ROCK AGAINST COMMUNISM WE ROCK FOR BOTH OF THEM THAT WAS THE IDEOLOGY OF SPIONS I TOLD IT TO MALCOLM McLAREN WE UNITE THE FORCES THAT'S WHAT WE WANT - WE WANT A THIRD WAY, I TOLD UNITE THE FORCES OF LEFT AND RIGHT FROM THE EXTREMES - EXTREME RIGHT, EXTREME LEFT FUSE THEM AND CREATE A NUCLEAR UNIT OF THE THIRD WAY THAT CAN ROCKET US OUT & THE SALUTE MEANT UNIFICATION JUST AN EXTENSION OF THE RIGHT WING SALUTE DOESN'T HAVE LEFTIST CONNOTATION YOU CAN DO IT WITH THE LEFT ARM OF COURSE THAT'S LEFTIST ENOUGH & I WANT TO PLEASE THAT'S MY PROBLEM WITH COMMUNICATION I WANT TO PLEASE MY PARTNER I DON'T WANT TO CONTRADICT IT I WANT TO SAY WHAT IT WANTS TO HEAR I JUST CANNOT SAY ANYTHING SINCERELY I JUST WANT TO PLEASE IT'S A DAMNED CURSE - ONE OF THE WORST ONES & HELLO HELLO LIVING IN A DREAM STATE - LIKE ABORIGINS I'M GROWN DOWN TO THE ABORIGINAL DREAM STATE PERMANENT PANIC NO FUN ULTIMATE FEAR I FEEL MYSELF SO BAD I BELIEVE I'M DISCONNECTED I'M CONNECTED WITH OSH OSH IS NOTHING, DOESN'T MEAN A FUCKING THING DOESN'T HELP, DOESN'T PROTECT ME PERFECTLY SUPERFLUOUS ENTITY HE IS PLAYING WITH ME, THAT'S HIS FUNCTION PUTTING UP DIFFERENT RIDDLES TO SOLVE NEW RIDDLES TO SOLVE IT'S A SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENT OSH AND THE ARTS OF COURSE - ART AND SCIENCE THAT'S WHAT OSH PRESIDES OVER ONLY ATHEISM - ALWAYS ONLY ATHEISM HELPED YOU TO EVOLVE EVEN IF IT WAS JUST CHANGING TO ANOTHER GOD TREASON IS THE DRIVING FORCE EVERY NEW FAITH IS TREASON WE'RE ON THE ROAD OF TRAITORS & WE'VE REACHED THE ZERO POINT, MY DEAR THIS IS THE POINT ZERO - THE POINT ZERO YOU ARE FROM HERE IT'S RISE OR FALL NOW YOU HAVE TO DECIDE DO YOU WANNA RISE OR DO YOU WANNA FALL DO YOU WANNA LIVE OR DO YOU WANNA DIE IT'S NOT AN EASY QUESTION? IT'S NOT AN EASY QUESTION MISERY AND MALADY AND MADNESS ARE DESTROYING ME I'M AT THE ZERO POINT THE BODY OF ROTTING TIME AND I CAN'T STAND ON MY FEET SHOOT UP WHEN I CAN'T STAND ON MY FEET HOW YOU IMAGINE THIS IT'S A SUPERHUMAN EXPECTATION & THIS IS VITAL REMAINS THIS IS THE GUY THAT LEADS THE NEW SATANIST TEMPLE THE ALTERNATIVE TO THE OLD ONE THAT'S A NEW BRANCH - IT'S PLACED IN NEW YORK LaVEY REMAINS THE PROPHET - IT'S LIKE MARX FOR COMMUNISTS LaVEY IS THE SATANIST PROPHET BUT THEY DISAGREE WITH THE DOINGS OF THE CHURCH ANYWAY IT'S AN ALTERNATIVE AND I THINK IT'S VERY GAY CENTERED SATANISM HAS ALWAYS BEEN VERY GAY-CENTERED, RIGHT IT'S AUTOMATICAL THEY RAISED THIS BAPHOMET STATUE IT'S UNVEILED - AT A SECRET LOCATION BUT IT'S UNVEILED FOR ABOUT A HUNDRED PEOPLE GONE TO THE CEREMONY AND THERE IS ALSO A FOOTAGE ABOUT IT TWO GAYS ARE VERY BADLY UNVEILING THE SCULPTURE VERY VIOLENT - ABSOLUTELY STYLELESS NOT ELEGANT AT ALL BAPHOMET WOULD HAVE DESERVED A CEREMONIAL DISCLOSURE BUT THIS WAS LIKE TORE OFF THE COVER OF IT JUST TORE IT OFF WILDLY CERTAINLY IT'S VERY TENDENTIOUS BUT I'M NOT AGREED AT ALL IT WAS UGLY AND THE TWO GUYS WERE VERY BLOODY UGLY AND THEN THEY KISSED BEFORE THE SCULPTURE THAT WAS A HUGE HUGE HUGE SATANIC BLASPHEMIC ACTION AND ALL THE CHURCHES PROTESTING AGAINST IT LIKE OLD BLACK LADIES ARE HITTING THEIR HEAD TO THE ASPHALT IN PROTEST OF SATAN COMING TO TOWN & OSH REPLACES COMPLETELY THE PRAYER FACTOR YOU DON'T HAVE TO PRAY ANY MORE THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF OSH THE PRAYER IS ERASED THIS PRAYER OF FIVE TIMES A DAY WHAT OBAMA DOES THE PROBLEM WITH OBAMA IS THAT MAYBE HE'S A CLOSET SATANIST BUT HE DEFINITELY ISN'T AN ATHEIST HE BELIEVES IN ALL THE GODS IT'S NOT REALLY THE SAME AS OSH THE IMPORTANT IS THAT ON THE TOP OF ALL YOU ARE OBLIGED TO BELIEVE IN NONE AND OBAMA DOESN'T BELIEVE IN NONE I DON'T THINK HE EVEN KNOWS ABOUT IT & UNCLE - I DON'T WANT TO COMPARE IT TO OBAMA BUT MANY PEOPLE DO SO WHY I SHOULDN'T UNCLE WAS AN ATHEIST HE BELIEVED THAT HE IS UNDER PROTECTION WITH EVERY REASON - BUT IT WAS STILL A DISBELIEF IT WASN'T TO BELIEVE IN A PARTICULAR GOD OBVIOUSLY NOT IN SOMEONE LIKE JEHOVAH OH THE NORDIC GODS - HE BELIEVED IN THE NORDIC GODS BELIEVED IN THE NORDIC GODS, YES NNA, THAT'S THE CLOSEST TO OSH TO BELIEVE IN A NON-EXISTING PAGAN WORLD IT'S TOTAL TREASON TO THE PRESENT